30 Poems in 30 days a.k.a April is the cruelest month.

4/1/18 (1/30)

What is the word for not dead but also not living?

See: Inanimate

I am merely furniture in your continuous feng shui, so convenient and comfortable until there is company coming then you've gotta make more room in your world so you can appear more open. I'm the best kind of furniture because I move myself according to your plans.

What is the word for objectifying yourself for the sake of others?
See: Self Harm
See also: Scapegoat

Personification is a powerful resource for humanizing and animating the parts of our lives we let stagnate because they really must. The opposite of personification is the complete destruction of your own personality in order to stagnate and become just a small part of your own life. Taking the observer perspective on your own existence is beautiful and insightful in small doses where you don't lose sight of the fact that you are still the first person view in this story.

What is the word for feeling what will happen before it happens but trying to change the outcome?
See: Delusion

4/2/18 (2/30)

Often times I take putting myself in someone else's shoes far too literally, 

will prance around in anything that fits on my feet and pretend that the feeling suits me. 

A vagabond bazar gifted me a new to me pair of sneakers with all the right scuff marks 

and only one insole and I said hot damn I've got enough soul to fill the void, hey thanks man. 

At a certain point it is not the shoes that define the journey it's the dance moves you perform. 

but I still understand what you mean when you say, walk a mile in my shoes. 

Just don't look so confused when I rip them off your feet slap them into mine 

and start running as fast as I can away from you. 

I wanna know you, smelly feet and worn down rubber and all 

and I know a mile will never truly be enough, 

maybe we should come up with a longer sighted metaphor.

4/3/18 (3/30)

My heart is empty so you all can fit.

Once this was an invitation only affair,
now free to the public, my heart,

Come one come all, my heart is empty,
said to be so big and bright but
can you hear the echoes carry?

All at once:

An auditorium full of strangers,
no tickets in hand,
all here for the same stupid reasons,
ambitions in ruins and nothing left to lose.
The show must go on.
You take your seats and your impact
vibrates through me in beats.

I am the ring leader.
I stand in the middle of myself on a stage
yelling into my dimly lit disappointment,

"If you can hear me
clap your hands."

4/4/30 (4/30)

The lonesome feeling comes on in waves;

I am laying on the beach allowing the ocean
to feel my process, to be my chalk outline,
it laps at my skin like a kindred creature.

I keep my hands to myself these days
unless I am playing in the sand,
building myself impermanent.

My hands are paddles to carry me
through this storm and should not
be used to gather hearts.

The waves of lonesome knock
at the doors of my glass castle,
it crumbles back to ocean easily
I stand at the center
watching the water drain
the pain out from my feet.

I speak only when the words come knocking
like salty breezes and bouts of self reliance...
and the story comes together on a damp page.

When it settles I tell it to you in a life lesson,
all shiny and begging brilliance.

You're not as alone as you thought.

4/5/18 (5/30)

You are walking along the road
headed somewhere familiar
when you come to a fork.

The pleasant backdrop falls away
and there is nothing stopping you
from making your choice.

You're standing in your own way
with one foot headed to either place and
the road is blocked in both directions.

A stampede of doubt and emotions
comes pouring at you like ocean waves.
High tide brings with it all of your fears.

You can not see what lies
down either path.

You are swimming
against the current now
and the road is washed out.

You give in, go limp
and let float
the body
that houses
that brilliant

Ego.

Only moments later

You wash up on the shore
of your own ambitions,
shaken and surprised to
find yourself right back
in the same position.

Coughing up salty scapegoats
and pretending the demons own you.

Either choice you make will likely
lead to another fork, a dead end maybe.

With a sigh

You choose to measure
your life in distance,
you say fuck it and go left,
just because it feels right.

4/6/18 (6/30)

Can you ever really belong
to someone who doesn't love you?

Yes.

I'll just be here torturing myself
with the sound of your voice mail recording

it blends so well with my tunnel vision,
hasn't changed a bit since we met.

I'm a temper tantrum
made entirely of tree limbs

trying to tear themselves to bits
but don't have a tight enough grip
I am a changing season.

You're not the longest lie I've lived through,
but you have been my favorite, lover,
long live the ever backsliding romance,
being alone in a crowded room.

4/7/18 (7/30)

4/8/18 (8/30)

Hypnotized
behind closed eyes
can not disguise
the self to itself
can not surprise
the future by telling
bad jokes about the past,
so just relax,
and visualize the rise
and fall of your breath
of peace and unity,
beautifully they materialize,
you manifest reality
hypnotize yourself happy
and laughing
gap toothed
grinning for
all the world
to see.

4/9/18 (9/30)

Sound it out
in round about
brain spouts
shout it out
in big crowds
and wear the crown
of sounds
be the king or bring
the kingdom down
bury the thrown
beneath the ground
and build a mound
above with which
you'll view the town
watch the clouds
drown out the frowns
not a sound
sound it out
turn around and
float out of focus
the joke is that
if you don't
open up wide
you just might choke.

4/10/18 (10/30)