1.
Today, the third day that your light beckoned
a sharp beam from the window across any room
first thing on any morning, I can not pretend
not to feel your warmth from more miles away
than I'd care to count, I hope you don't mind
if I bask in it a while.
2.
You've been vacationing on both sides of my skin
these days, and if on your journey you made it
as far as the conflict zone between my heart and
my head, you'd find traces of yourself fighting
on both sides of my blood bath, your impact on me
was a bomb dropped, I'll be washing debris further
into my bloodstream with every heartbeat.
I've been trying hard not to start so many wars,
but at first sight I knew you were worth the fight.
3.
Today I woke hungrier than most
with the scent of living room staining my collar bones.
It did me no good to peek, I knew
it was nothing but sun drizzle squeezing my eyes open
I gripped sheets and remembered
and easily dismantled blanket fort, we filled it with
rushed sunday morning elation.
4.
Manifesting into reality by first
drawing up plans in dreamscapes.
I'm sprinting down a busy street,
fear stricken and tear streaked.
The exact moment my feet hit the crosswalk,
you grab me like a sharp edge by the
skank around my neck, to tell me to pace myself.
"waiting will not destroy you."
5.
We are not any more separate
than we would be right around the corner
or across the city from each other.
There is a fog rolling through my ribcage
the chills make me crave big city goose bumps.
Should have held you on that hillside for
making me starry eyed, didn't have to be frigid.
I now know missing you is almost a waste of time
because we are not separate.
6.
I am proud just to know you,
proud to know nothing about you
to be hungry for every drop to suckle on
I am making friends with myself again
in order to save us both
and we are enamored at the spaces between
your words even when they are slurred into
submission.
7.
the sun soaked me up
evaporated me on contact
felt higher than ever before
til my bare feet touched the forest floor
and I awoke fully charged and present amongst
a sea of screaming children and dripping ferns
and I kept asking for more,
cause this was not my day, it was hers.
and there was not nearly enough of you in it
but the sun said you were shining today
and I believed him blindly because I know you are.
8.
If nothing else,
my love for you is selfish
and you improve my sleep
9.
I drifted off too many times in a day
to relay you any dreams at all
and too often you were
falling from my sky like ammunition
or just waltzing down the street
and I wonder
if we are just a want ad
or will you remember seeing me.
10.
Distraction is only enough attention span
for half of the conversation you planned
conclusion is forgetting to write you down
once again. Conclusion is working on something
brilliant and rests assured distraction will
never be able to keep up.
I am a balancing act far too delicate
to draw conclusions with so many distractions.
Shaken.
I get stir crazy
in airplane aisles
cry into your absence
have no excuse for strangers
in center seats.
I wipe thoughts of you off
with complimentary napkins
pull my knees to my chest for comfort
pray for your miraculous appearance
on a far off landing strip.
Stir crazy does not begin to describe
the constant ache of forgotten touch.
The release from another take off
does not climb high enough above cloud line
to unhinge the thought of your lips.
I am clinging to memory.
I get stir crazy
on public busses in foreign countries
knowing you won't be waiting up
at my midnight destination
arm open and prepared for my collapse.
I have no excuse for the water works
drew the design for this crumbling castle myself,
while blurry eyed and stir crazy.
A Long Time Coming
Nothing but white light
pouring from my fingertips
with best of intention,
I point fingers only to enlighten
often dragging heavy hands
back to face me.
been blinding myself with this light
for the sake of tasting
the remedies I struggled long to produce.
The irony is in never seeing
what my light reveals,
on days I feel like
an instrument.
This part hardens us humans
holes being poked in schemes
we haven't devised yet;
sent back to the dusted drawing board,
where you may not find
a better answer.
Use your own light to see clearly in this darkness
and you will likely stumble upon something
that you have already taught yourself
saved for such a day as this.
Undeniable:
My heart is a train wreck turned flower bed.
Allowing people close only lets them see the artifacts.
Electricity buzzing through flesh balanced on hot steel.
First impressions are all fucking daisies and hand holding.
Getting to know me is examining the remains of two freights
leaving from opposite directions on the same set of tracks.
Same derailment, Same fragrant budding sparks,
Different casualties.
Sandstorm
You are up to your neck in denial
standing in the dead center of a sandstorm.
I see you twitch in pain, clench your fists and
tie off your lungs like balloons,
I assume you think this will keep you safe
while your greatest fears pile up at your feet.
After all, your whole life has tried to make you
feel
invisible.
You are only trying to appease
so you shut your eyes and scream
"my heart feels like it is fossilizing
buried beneath so much pressure."
I reply from a safe distance that you have always
liked the gray weather,
that without the shattered glass edges that scrape you if you
fall out of line or play too hard,
this life is desertous, devoid of motion and difficult to take in.
We have to feel everything the way it is and stop
scraping layers of our lives away trying to meet our own expectations.
Falling down is what makes us so beautiful
but only if we get back up.
I think we could all use a bit of sleep
when the dust settles.
